Cara Writes

We have to be humans for as long as we live. Inside our bodies.  That's kind of a crazy idea when I sit and think about it. I have interests, hobbies, things I like to do, stuff I like to research, but above ALL of those things, I have to be a human.  And do it with other people.  Why would I NOT be an improvement junkie when for the rest of my life I have to make my crazy reality and everyone else's crazy reality come together and make sense and understand each other?  This is the very short introduction to a series of posts I'm conceptualizing: #Sh*tIthinkAbout  That should be the subtitle to this blog. Cara Writes sh*t she thinks about

Then maybe stop doing it. I like challenges. Last January I did a no sugar/alcohol challenge. I've pushed myself to run 5k's and do obstacle courses. I try not to drink coffee before half my water bottle is gone. I thought doing the no social media challenge was going to be hard, but really, it hasn't been. If you follow Gretchen Rubin's work, I'm a Questioner tendency,  so I like to do things that make sense, and not just-because. So I'm ending my social media blackout early, because it hasn't been a huge challenge. The real challenge will be how to not fall back into mindlessness when I return! Speaking of challenges, Jeremy and I finished (almost) the corn hole boards this weekend. That was way more challenging than not being on social media for 12 days. I'll admit, I got frustrated, but he's a great teacher and helped me get to the end. His boards are the American flags, and mine are the blue arrows. We went to the Mets game on Sunday f...

Sylvia Plath- The Bell Jar I taught this novel my first year of teaching, and at the time my figs were pretty clear: find an apartment, get a job.  A few years later the figs were to have fun, go out with friends, ride horses, go to graduate school, buy my own place, get a dog, get a boyfriend. In November 2016 I realized that I returned the tree. Did I choose the right ones? Did I just pick the easiest ones to grasp? What about the ones I didn't even see for myself when I was 21, and 25? * November, 2016 There’s a birthmark on my breast, and I have no idea how long it’s been there. I could consult the dermatologist who took pictures of my body at fourteen, or my most recent ex-boyfriend, but I really don’t want to do either of those. I shower, and dress, and see my body every day in the mirror, but one day, I noticed the mark. I wonder how many days I looked and didn’t see it, or how many days it actually wasn’t there, until one day it was, and how many ...

“For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us….That is why young people, who are beginners in everything, are not yet capable of love: it is something they must learn. ..But learning time is always a long, secluded time, and therefore loving, for a long time ahead and far on into life, is solitude, a heightened and deepened aloneness for the person who loves. Loving does not at first mean merging, surrendering, and uniting with another person (for what would a union be of two people who are unclarified, unfinished, and still incoherent?). It is a high inducement for the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world in himself for the sake of another person.” -Rainer Maria Rilke * In order to fully love someone else, you must be unapologetically yourself, and grow your own rich inner world in order to give something meaningful to someone else. My mom has sacrificed in ...

I don't know about you, but in year's past I've literally spent hundreds of dollars on plants and flowers that, let's face it, I usually end up killing before their time. My high school has a botany class that plants in the greenhouse every year, and they sell wreaths during the holidays, and herbs and flowers in the spring. This year I took advantage of both events, and I was really impressed by them! Not only are their plants amazing, but so are the prices. I was able to plant my entire upper deck yesterday for $35. $35!!!! I'm officially converted. I love having flowers on the deck, and this year was super affordable. If you like to plant, I encourage you to find a local school that has a botany program. You get to support local programs, and plant on the cheap. Win-win. I think it turned out pretty nice! Plus, I got to sip on some wine while playing with dirt and listening to a podcast. A nice way to spend the afternoon.      I learned that t...

Gavin is one of the first friends I made in college. He was my rock freshman year. We met moving in all our stuff into A-complex because I lived on the 4th floor, and his 1st floor apartment had a back door into the building that we   demanded very politely asked if we could use because it was pouring rain. His apartment also had AC, which I kind of hated him for, but fully took advantage! We may have had our squabbles, but he has a great heart, and an immense tolerance for people. He accepts all my quirks, and has realized that he can't bring any more hard liquor to my birthdays (I see you, Moonshine and Jack Daniels!). In the time I've known him, I don't think he's ever missed my birthday, and there were a few years there where he really saved it from being a terrible memory. He always makes the effort for people he cares about, and is a great listener. Plus, we like to talk about ghosts, so that's always cool :) So here's to you, Gavin. Happy birthday...

Yesterday on my walk with Jack we came across these beautiful cherry blossom trees. "The significance of the cherry blossom tree in Japanese culture goes back hundreds of years. In their country, the cherry blossom represents the fragility and the beauty of life. It’s a reminder that life is almost overwhelmingly beautiful but that it is also tragically short. When the cherry blossom trees bloom for a short time each year in brilliant force, they serve as a visual reminder of how precious and how precarious life is" (Cantu) . Kind of ironic that I noticed and appreciated them on my dad's birthday, but if you read my entry from yesterday , you already know that I don't really believe in coincidence.  I've been thinking a lot lately about the idea of impermanence, and how "safety" and "control" are really just false states. Whatever I have in my life, I get to have today, perhaps this moment, but it might not be that way in five years...

Easter 2009 in Pennsylvania My dad would have been 64 today. In my words from the past entry,  on January 30th, I wrote about letters that I found from my dad. What I didn't write about was what happened the next day. January 31st I had the worst emotional hangover that I can remember having in  years. I felt low. After barely surviving the work day, I was driving home that afternoon when I felt an immense compulsion to go back to the letters. I had them all neatly organized by year in little plastic bags in the basement, but I wanted to take all the ones from my dad out and keep them separately with me in my room. What follows here is an entry that I wrote, but never published, on February 1st. I'll preface this by saying that I am a spiritual person, and I do believe in universal energy and signs. If you don't, that's alright, but it's hard for me to dismiss it after what happened that day. Whether it's "real" or not, I don't really ...

When I was in college I used to intentionally leave my phone in my dorm a few nights a week to go "off grid" and immerse myself with my friends. I refused to buy a smartphone until I graduated, and even then I was reluctant, because "I have a Nook, and an iPod and a computer, why do I need all that in my phone?" I'd say, as I slung my 40lb bag on my shoulder. Katy Bowman, my favorite guru on movement, and movement ecology, speaks to the idea that in "outsourcing" many of the things we do every day, we've lost intentionality, and the movements associated with those intentions. One example would be the invention of backup cameras in cars (except for mine, I'm still rocking that 2005 model). Before, you had to turn your head over your shoulder, look back, and scan the area. Now, you just need to look down at a screen. The movements in our cars are different than they used to be, and perhaps less involved. When I had a separate e-reader, musi...